The Importance of Date Night

My husband and I have been married for 10 years.  We were older when we met, dated long distance for a while, and I had a 2-½ year old daughter, so romantic nights out with roses, wine, and dancing were few and far between.  After we were married, we immediately started the process of adopting Hunter, so we have never really been a couple that spent a lot of time alone…as a couple.

In the stress of day-to-day living, work, school, raising daughters and surviving their diagnoses of Reactive Attachment Disorder, Colby and I didn’t “date” much.  Giving everything to our family didn’t leave much time for romance and our relationship suffered for it.

A couple of years ago, at the urging of our family therapist, Colby and I started setting aside time for “date night.”  In the beginning, we would check our calendars, make arrangements for a baby-sitter, decide what we wanted to do and make dinner reservations.  In the past, we would pick a fancy restaurant that featured large slabs of beef and 18-year-old Scotch, and preferably one that didn’t have a kid’s menu available. 

The ground rules of our dates were always very simple…no talking about our children.  Our children consumed our lives in every way imaginable, so we deserved a break for few hours from children-focused conversation.  This is much more difficult than it sounds, but it is a little like meditation…when the discussion wanders off to topics of the children…we bring it back to focus on us.

Although we try to “date” at least a couple of times a month, life usually gets in the way and we end up being lucky if we can have a kid-less night off once a month.  Since moving to Texas 2 ½ months ago, we’ve only had two date nights.  The first was a trip to the San Antonio Riverwalk for sushi.  It was a nice date, but like everything else with this move, nothing was familiar and driving the 50 miles into San Antonio seemed really far.

But, our recent move to Texas was about changing our lifestyle, slowing down and living a more simplified life.  We didn’t need to drive an hour for alone time, we didn’t need to spend a ton of money to have fun; all we needed to do was be together.  Whether we ate beef and drank cocktails, went to the movies, or played putt-putt golf, as long as we were together…and not talking about our children…it’s all that mattered.

Which is why last weekend, I found myself sitting on the tailgate of Colby’s truck, parked in the middle of our farm while our cattle grazed nearby, drinking a bottle of wine and watching the sunset.  Texas sunsets are spectacular, by the way…and I found myself enjoying every second of our “date.”  When the last bit of color faded in the west, we drove into Batesville (pop. 1,068) and had dinner.  It wasn’t expensive, nor was it fancy, but we were together.  We did talk about our daughters, but it is hard not to talk about two of the most important people in our lives.  I guess we need to date more and practice not talking about them!

Our next date night?  A night of dancing at the Quihi Gun Club.  I need to unpack my cowboy boots, spend a fun night two-stepping with my husband and practicing not talking about my children.